so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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