its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
