I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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