Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
