I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
