Already got asked if we're dating
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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