i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
