I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
