she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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