I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
