i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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