It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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