Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
