Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
