His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
