You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
