You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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