It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
