I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
