Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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