I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize