Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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