Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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