you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
