I wannas sexs uuuuu
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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