Is it normal to miss your booty call?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
