my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
