After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk is not a location!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
