We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
