what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
