Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
