i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
