Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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