OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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