so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize