So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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