my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
