nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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