Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
