I wish I could punch you in the face.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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