Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
