you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
