she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The beers last night were like the tears from god
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
