ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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