Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
