You made me cry and you don't even care
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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