Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
