Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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