I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
