as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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