and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize