remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
