I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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