Im at strip club and am horny
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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