How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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