Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
