i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
