oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
