I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
