These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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