I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
