Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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