you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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