So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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