My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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