It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
