apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
