this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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