I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize