Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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