so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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