Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
